Using problem focused coaching to overcome internal barriers
07733 001711
Boss Whispering
Taming abrasive leaders
What I do
Do you have a leader whose behaviour is impeding organisational effectiveness?
I help these leaders understand the impact of their behaviour on others, learn empathy and change the way they lead.
I do this using Boss Whispering, a structured coaching process from America with an 83% success rate
How the process works
The surprising truth about abrasive leaders
Contrary to the confident image they project, abrasive leaders are insecure. They throw their weight around because they think that someone else's performance will affect theirs, which they are highly anxious about. Despite the myth that they enjoy causing suffering, abrasive leaders are clueless about the impact they have on others.
Motivating them to change
The first step of Boss Whispering is for their manager to put the leader under pressure. This means spelling out that conduct needs to improve or there will be consequences. And then offering the abrasive leader help to change their ways. Boss Whispering includes coaching the manager on the most effective way to do this.
Secondly, the leader needs to understand how they are perceived by colleagues. Their colleagues are confidentially interviewed to identify what the perceptions are of the leader. When the leader receives the summary anonymised report it is a huge blow, because they have no idea how negatively they are viewed. This, combined with their anxiety about performance and pressure from their manager, gives them motivation to change and engage actively in the coaching phase of the Boss Whispering process.
The leader then works with the coach to diagnose what causes these negative perceptions and identify how they can behave differently to eliminate them in the future. Boss Whispering is coaching the leader to learn empathy and to be more empowering.
Strategic impact
Clearly this is reactive work, tackling one abrasive leader at a time. But it is also strategic because of the long term benefits and impact on the organisation's culture and leadership.
When an employer talks about inclusion but tolerates abrasive behaviour, it makes leadership look weak and hypocritical. When abrasive leaders are senior they are role models for acceptable conduct. This damages morale, retention, discretionary effort and culture. Abrasive leaders are usually high performers in all other ways, so management are also understandably reluctant to lose their contribution. Where an abrasive leader is in mid career, they have decades ahead where, if helped, they can now be achieving their objectives without upsetting colleagues.
Tackling individual instances of abrasive behaviour therefore brings benefits to everyone. The individual is given honest insight and helped to rectify a huge risk to their future career. Their colleagues are now treated respectfully encouraging them to stay and work hard. Leadership regain their authority, the culture becomes more inclusive and regulatory and legal risks are eliminated.
About me
My name is Stephen Tolfree. I am an experienced executive coach and have coached more than 1000 people up to C-suite level.
My most transformational executive coaching intervention is helping people recover from workplace conflict. Whilst I love this work, I began to think wouldn't it be better if I could work with the person causing the conflict, to prevent it taking place? This led me to discover Boss Whispering, which has been used for this purpose over the last four decades in America.
I work as a Boss Whisperer for government departments and now offer this on a freelance basis.
I love this work because of the healing impact it has on the individual leaders, their colleagues and on the wider organisation.